I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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