why didn't you poke me back
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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