with your own penis?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
