i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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