rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
