Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
