There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
