You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
