they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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