is your mom at the bar?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
