Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
