Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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