She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
