Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's always time for handjobs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
