i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
