I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
