im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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