Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
