i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
