She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
