I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
