She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
