tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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