Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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