found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
