smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
