OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
