Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
