When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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