fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
