You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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