She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
