John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
