oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
