i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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