Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
