If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this will be a night to untag.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
