She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
