Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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