Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
