Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
