drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
