Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
