I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
