Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
