How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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