I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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