it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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