last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
