Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
