ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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