wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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