Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
