Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
