Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
