when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
